I hate postin shit on social media, but this seems the best way to jot down my feelings without any judgement.
My mother has passed. I have never felt so much pain and relief at the same time. I love her so much. I will never regret coming home after college and spending all my time with her. Even if we would argue or I would annoy her, she loved it. I did it because I cared an wanted her to know that she could try to get away with stuff. We often fought for the last piece of cheesecake. Even though I would end up giving it to her anyways and sneak a couple bites when she wasn’t looking.
I witnessed the entire screen go down to zero. She’s my baby. I slept in her bed last night and kept having recurring dreams where she’s home and she’s calling me in the morning. I just want to go back to that. Everything in my home reminds me of her. I told my mom to squeeze me, she did. I told her I would be ok and that I love her so much. I just can’t deal right now. Everyone is telling me that they don’t know what to say and to be strong. I was strong for her for so many years. I just want to cry and express my emotions. Nobody gets that. She never let me cry, if she saw me right now, she’d probably give me a hard time and make fun of me. I know, I’m not alone. I have my family, I just want to feel and have people stop telling me to be strong. My mom would be like “bullshit, don’t tell me that” I only wish to ever be half as strong as she was. She will forever be my baby.